Greetings from the dark side. Herein lies one of medicine's dirty little secrets. Despite all our technological advances, research, randomized control trials, and advances in education, we still haven't learned how to keep us medical students from feeling utterly alone, panicky, and completely inadequate. Then again, this may just be an essential part of the learning process.
So Friday it hits me - I have an exam in a week, and I know NOTHING. Can't answer any questions, don't know where to start studying, nothing. Should I even be in med school? Maybe I should take some time off. I really wish I had read more/studied more/knew as much as my classmates/had someone to talk to.
The secret was most of us were feeling this way. With our A-type personalities, this is our first dose of reality. We are now assuredly never going to know all the answers, never going to be "the best" because there is no real such thing. And as we each go about our rotations, getting more and more sucked in, we feel more and more alone, and we can't believe our lives. Wake, work, "study", go home sleep. Rinse and repeat. So now I'm learning we have to find more balance, schedule in more fun, make sure that we commit to having fun.
Things I'm learning, and only hope I can pull things off to pass this darned exam, then figure out how to go from there. May this message find y'all in better shape, and if you're feeling alone, just remember, you're not really. Just put yourself out there - I'm sure there are more of us just dying for company as well.
Nicholas
P.S. Joshua Radin's "Closer" is my new favorite song...courtesy of Scrubs, episode 19, season 4 ;-)
Sunday, March 20, 2005
Sunday, March 13, 2005
ICU
Enough with the acronyms in Medicine already! ICU stands for Intensive Care Unit, where I am currently working, and most definitely love. It's been a while since the last post, but that's me - sporadic at best!
The excitement, the drama, ICU has it all. I've been putting in Central lines, which are basically big long IV's (intravenous lines...ones that go inside veins) in the subclavian (under your clavicle) vein that travel to your superior vena cava, the big vessel that drains blood from the top part of your body into the heart. AWESOME. And since we only see the sickest of the sick, everyone is on all the big medications you don't normally use on the floor, and everyone is relatively unstable, so there's always the tension in the air - what's going to happen next.
Having said all this, there's still the humanity side to everything. Sitting down with families to explain what's going on, discussing issues surrounding end of life and withdrawal of care, and working with the amazingly knowledgeable nurses, dietitions, physiotherapists, and respiratory therapists who are all teaching me sooo much.
What to do in the future - who knows. But ICU, and anesthesia, are looking much, much better.
Hope all your lives are proving just as exciting!
Nicholas
The excitement, the drama, ICU has it all. I've been putting in Central lines, which are basically big long IV's (intravenous lines...ones that go inside veins) in the subclavian (under your clavicle) vein that travel to your superior vena cava, the big vessel that drains blood from the top part of your body into the heart. AWESOME. And since we only see the sickest of the sick, everyone is on all the big medications you don't normally use on the floor, and everyone is relatively unstable, so there's always the tension in the air - what's going to happen next.
Having said all this, there's still the humanity side to everything. Sitting down with families to explain what's going on, discussing issues surrounding end of life and withdrawal of care, and working with the amazingly knowledgeable nurses, dietitions, physiotherapists, and respiratory therapists who are all teaching me sooo much.
What to do in the future - who knows. But ICU, and anesthesia, are looking much, much better.
Hope all your lives are proving just as exciting!
Nicholas
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